Let’s talk about Trump Support or Disapproval
Trump support or disapproval is a hot topic now-a-days. When you see his picture, you get polarizing emotions, positive elation or negative contempt. You can literally feel it physically in your body. Trump is a very polarizing president and can evoke some passionate responses. Over the last few years, my clients have an increased preoccupation with politics, but they do not feel like there is a place to talk about it. Enter: therapy. In therapy, clients are able to talk about the taboo of their feelings. Trump supporters feel ousted and misunderstood. Trump disapprovers feel helpless and angry. Unfortunately, when Trump supporters and disapprovers try to discuss their feelings with each other, it can often end in heated arguments, anger, contempt, and not feeling heard.
But, after years of being a mental health therapist and numerous training and education, I have found some tips that help. Ironically, using couples counseling communication tools can help facilitate these political conversations!
Be curious: Letting go of your ego
First and foremost, it takes a lot of patience to listen to someone that has a different opinion than you do. It physically and emotionally hurts to bite your tongue when you wholeheartedly disagree with someone. You feel a choking sensation in your neck, a heated pang in your belly, an ache in your forehead. It is important to recognize and be aware of this fact first. It takes effort to listen.
I would almost say it takes more effort to listen than it does to speak.
The number one rule of listening is to be curious. People who support Trump are also human and have emotions. They believe what they believe because they have had experiences that have lead them to the beliefs they have today. People who do not support Trump are also human and have emotions. They, too, have had experiences that have led them to have contempt for the way politics have affected their lives. This seems simple to say. But, oftentimes, we forget this about each other. We spew criticism, resentment, contempt, and finally stonewalling at each other. These are the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. John and Julie Gottman research shows these 4 Horsemen kill relationships.
So, the number one rule of talking politics with others is to be curious. It is the #1 reason therapists are so effective and powerful. We stay curious in our client’s experiences… no matter how different they are from our own.
The Do’s and Dont’s of Talking Politics
Do’s
- Stay curious. Ask them to tell you more about their opinions.
- Give them time and space to form their thoughts and opinions.
- Show them you care about their opinions.
- Maintain eye contact, have engaging body language, and stay present.
- Use neutral responses, like “I wonder”, “Could be”, and “Sounds like”
- If it gets heated, maintain a boundary and take a time out. Say, “Let’s pause this and revisit it. I’m curious about your thoughts about it.”
- Revisit the conversation when both parties are ready.
Dont’s
- Don’t be too blunt. Stay curious.
- Don’t fall into the 4 horsemen: criticism, resentment, contempt, and stonewalling.
- Don’t assume your opinion is better than theirs. It is AN opinion, not THE opinion.
- Don’t shame. This never ends well.
- Don’t force a conversation when someone is emotionally “flooded”.
This takes practice. Therapists train for years to get the ability to listen empathetically to others. It’s a skill that must be honed. To Trump support or not to Trump support, that is not the question. The question is How to listen. Therapy is a great start to feel heard. If you are struggling to find someone who hears you, find a therapist in your area. It’s not healthy to hold those strong emotions inside.
If you feel heard with your friends and family, reciprocate those listening skills with others. The more we can hear each other, the better our country can be. Teach these skills to others through modeling. Be the change you want to see.
I’m here for you if you need support. Contact me and I can help find you find someone to talk to.
